


Still a human

by Lord_of_Spirits_and_Bazongas



Category: Tales of Berseria
Genre: F/F, velanor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 15:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9825653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_of_Spirits_and_Bazongas/pseuds/Lord_of_Spirits_and_Bazongas
Summary: Unable to sleep on the eve of their last battle, Velvet decides to go outside to enjoy some fresh air. It just so happens to be that she’s not the only restless soul in Meirchio.





	

The dawn of the final battle was drawing near, yet Velvet couldn’t just close her eyes and fall asleep. She was full of restless energy and her mind was filled with thoughts. No matter how hard she tried to push them aside, she couldn’t. Velvet, being a woman of action and not just mere words, decided that she wouldn’t just roll in her bed and hope for the best, but instead spend her time doing something useful. Given that the sky was clear and there was nobody out there stopping her, she decided to go for a walk in hopes of clearing her head. The bed squeaked slightly as she got up. Grabbing her dark and ragged jacket, Velvet headed downstairs and into the snowy outside.  
  
Meirchio was a beautiful city, and now, thanks to Velvet, the city was more or less barren. Her mere presence was enough to send humans away, screaming in terror upon hearing the ominous title that had been given to her: The Lord of Calamity.   
  
_“The Lord of Calamity…”_ Velvet shook her head with an oddly satisfied smirk on her face. If she’d go down in history as a monster, she preferred a title rather than her real name. What she had done or would do, she didn’t want her family name to be part of that tale. She was willing to take the blame; to be the monster of those stories parents told to their children, and the one sailors shared with each other at taverns, even if only to shield the world from the ugly truth.   
  
Much like Hellawes, it seemed like it never stopped snowing in Meirchio either. The second Velvet had stepped outside, she felt snowflakes landing on top of her head. It didn’t take long for the rest of her body to be covered in them, as her cloak and her bandaged arm soon became damp.   
  
The snow melted soon after coming into contact, as the small, wet spots started to cover the bandages. Even if it made it harder for Velvet to keep her arm hidden, as the bandages were starting to loosen up ever so slightly, it was something she welcomed. When she had been consumed by her anger, by her quest to kill Artorius, she hadn’t been able to truly feel anything. Not even the warmth of the sun or the harsh coldness of the biting winter. In it’s own way, being able to feel it once again was yet more proof of being alive.   
  
“Unable to sleep, Velvet?” A familiar voice of an exorcist woke Velvet from her thoughts. Just outside the inn, Eleanor was up as well, leaning up against a fence and gazing into the star filled skies above.   
  
“Yeah,” She was quick to reply. Unlike in the past, when Velvet had been cold and kept her distance from the young, but dedicated exorcist, now she found herself standing as close to her as personal space could allow. “What’s your excuse though? I thought you of all people would be too dutiful to let anything come in way of your sleep.”   
  
Eleanor looked at Velvet for a while and once she realized that she wasn’t fully serious, she let out an amused and heartfelt laugh. Even though it was getting increasingly cold, with Velvet’s jacket and her exposing outfit not providing all that much to keep her warm, there was something about Eleanor’s soft laugh that filled her with warmth.   
  
“Pardon me, but even though I’m indeed dutiful as you so put it, I too, am a human, just like you,” Eleanor nodded.   
  
Velvet’s first instinct was to say that she was everything but, but she quickly realized what Eleanor truly meant. No matter what she was on the outside, on the inside, she was still very much human. Daemons were evil, or that’s what the Abbey had thought her, but Velvet was different. No being of pure malevolence was able to laugh, joke, cry or feel sympathy.   
  
“You didn’t answer my question.”   
  
Eleanor let out a quiet gasp as she realized she hadn’t been able to trail the topic into another direction as she had hoped. She wasn’t really all that surprised though, as the one defining trait about Velvet was just how unyielding she was. Even if they didn’t always see eye to eye, Velvet’s determination, even when facing against seemingly impossible odds, was something that greatly inspired her as well.   
  
“I suppose I didn’t,” Eleanor said quietly. Even if she had a lot more clothing on her compared to the slightly taller woman standing beside her, it was Eleanor who was more bothered by the cold. She was doing her best to ignore the cold, but Velvet could still see her hands, that were wrapped around her chest in hopes of keeping her warm, shivering. Before Eleanor could get a chance to protest or even notice what Velvet was up to, she felt something now resting on her shoulders, making her feel a lot warmer.   
  
“Your jacket,” Eleanor said in her surprise. “B-but, aren’t you feeling cold yourself?”   
  
“I am, but I kind of… like it, if that makes sense,” Velvet smiled back at the wondering exorcist.   
  
“I suppose it does, now that I think about it,” Eleanor admitted. Knowing everything Velvet had been through, it was no surprise that she had almost turned into nothing more than a shell of what she used to be. So consumed by her hatred and anger, yet never truly to the point where there was no turning back. The Lord of Calamity was a monster, if one believed the stories about her. But Eleanor knew the truth. Even with her menacing aura and a demonic claw that could devour every living thing, Velvet was still a person just like anyone else; with her own dreams and fears alike. “I was unable to sleep because I can’t help but to think of what will happen tomorrow.”   
  
Velvet didn’t even have to ask Eleanor to know why she was also awake. One glance at her was enough to tell just how restless she was as well. With her black jacket wrapped around her, at least now she wasn’t shivering as much. “Are you regretting your choices, that you ended up siding with us instead of the Abbey?”   
  
Eleanor shook her head so quickly that it left no doubt in Velvet’s mind. She knew that Eleanor was one of them, even if their group were all rebels and misfits, she stood out like a sore thumb from the rest, alongside Laphicet. “No, I’m not. As I’ve said before, as an exorcist, I want to get behind the truth and make things right. Even if part of me wants to believe in Lord Artorius and his teachings, I can’t turn a blind eye on what he’s willing to do to achieve his ideals. Even though I’m an exorcist, his very actions stand against what I’ve been taught, and I simply can’t ignore that.”   
  
Velvet knew now just why Magilou enjoyed teasing her so much. She felt the same way when it came to Eleanor. The red haired exorcist was often painfully formal and strict; not always realizing when someone was taking advantage of her good nature to play tricks on her. “I know that,” Velvet admitted, shaking her head in disbelief that she had been able to fool Eleanor into thinking she didn’t fully trust her at this point. “I trust you completely. You’re one of us. For better or worse.”   
  
“Probably for worse,” Eleanor said with a faint giggle, which Velvet was quick to join in on as well. “I must say, this really isn’t the path I had seen myself taking when I became an exorcist, yet I don’t regret the decisions I made that got me where I am now.” Eleanor said as she clutched the jacket around her to help her stay warm.   
  
Velvet stayed silent for a moment as she joined to lean against the wooden fence as well. Thanks to the fact that the city was now so empty, there was an odd sense of tranquility in the air. It was as if everything was half asleep. Everything was peacefully quiet. So quiet, in fact, that Velvet could even hear Eleanor’s breathing. It was calm, steady and controlled, as one might expect from the likes of her.   
  
“Velvet, may I ask you something?” Eleanor turned her head a little bit so she could look Velvet eye to eye. After getting an approving nod, she continued: “Are you still afraid of anything?”   
  
Velvet didn’t say anything at first, as instead she made her way closer to Eleanor instead. Velvet let out a deep sigh, her eyes wandering to look at her feet and the marks she had left on the snow coated ground. “I am.”   
  
Eleanor gulped as she felt the atmosphere getting more tense all of a sudden. She knew it was risky to bring up something like that, but it was a question that had been in her mind for quite some time now. “Why are you asking?”   
  
“I was just…” Eleanor mumbled. “I know that you’re not the same person that you were when I first met you, Velvet, but sometimes I can’t help but to feel that you act like you don’t care what happens to you. I know being fearless is a good trait for any leader, but I worry that--”   
  
“That I’d end up doing something reckless and foolish? No, it’s okay, I understand,” Velvet said, flashing Eleanor a sympathetic smile. It had been a while; ages even; since someone had cared for her well being. So much so that it felt almost unnatural. Nevertheless, Velvet, for once, didn’t feel like shying away from the fact that she too, at the end of the day, was weak and fearful just like anybody else. Even with her seemingly endless determination to see things through, she too, was afraid.   
  
“May I ask, what is it that you’re afraid then?”   
  
“Of many things. When I was younger, I was afraid of spiders. Funny story--” Suddenly, Velvet went silent. Even saying Celica’s name hurt her, but once she felt Eleanor’s hand caressing her own, Velvet felt she had the courage to continue. “Celica was the one who taught me that there’s no need to fear spiders, or anything that might look scary or creepy.” Velvet glanced at her bandaged arm. Perhaps it was thanks to her that she wasn’t afraid of who she had become, yet wherever she went, people talked of her as if she was the embodiment of all the horrors in this world. A monster unlike any other. Sometimes it was easy to believe those stories to be true, yet the warmth of another person reminded Velvet that deep down under all of that malevolence and hatred she felt, she was still a human being.   
  
“Go on.” Eleanor encouraged. To prove that she meant what she said, she gently patted Velvet’s hand a few times before ending up resting her hand on top of her’s.   
  
“When I was a lot younger, I couldn’t stand spiders. Sadly, our home was often filled with them, and even after I got rid of most of them, they’d somehow crawl their way back in. I used to think they did that just to annoy me,” Velvet reminisced. “Anyhow, eventually Celica realized she’d have to do something so she took me outside and showed me what a strong web this one spider had made there. Naturally, my first instinct was to destroy it, but instead she wanted me to look at it. As I stared at it, I realized that even though to me it looked hideous and scary, it too, was a living being. So slowly over time, I learned to live with them, only pushing them and their webs away when it got in ways of cooking and such. No matter what anyone tells you, spiderwebs aren’t a tasty ingredient in a spinach soup.” Velvet chuckled.   
  
Eleanor’s lips curled up into a bright and wide smile as she listened to Velvet’s story. Just what kind of life would she have now, if she had been able to live the peaceful life back at Aball. It was a question Velvet surely pondered often as well, but at the same time, she wasn’t someone who relieved on ‘what if’ scenarios. Rather, she embraced reality and all of its harshness.   
  
“It sounds to me like your sister was a very kind and understanding person. I wish I could have met her.”   
  
“I’m sure you two could have gotten along very easily. She was also very kind-hearted, and couldn’t bare to see anyone unhappy.”   
  
Eleanor felt the warmth spreading onto her cheeks now as well. Velvet rarely opened up like this, so to hear such high praise, even if indirect, took her by surprise. “Thank you.” Eleanor said, nodding her head ever so slightly. “Is there something else you’re afraid of?”   
  
Velvet had hoped that Eleanor wouldn’t push the topic, but now that she was already opening up to her, she saw no point in stopping now, either. She didn’t say anything at first, as instead she let her body do the talking for her. With Eleanor’s fingers, be it covered by her fingerless gloves, being so close to her own, she interlocked them with her own, as if to signal her that she wanted her to stay by her side. Velvet hated to feel like this. This weak and needy for comfort and company, but in truth, she had longed for it for many years now. When she had been living in the seemingly bottomless pit, devouring daemons day and night, she had forgotten what it meant to be alive, so much so that even now, she sheltered herself away from anything that could be taken as a sign of weakness. There was something about Eleanor, though, that made her want to embrace that humane side of hers again, even if it meant opening up her old wounds once more.   
  
“I’m afraid of many things, even if you couldn’t tell that by just looking at me,” Velvet whispered. Tightening her hold on Eleanor’s hand, she turned her head to look at the shorter woman straight into her eyes. “I’m afraid of dying. I’m afraid now that I’m no longer consumed by anger, I’ll get attached to this world that I was ready to abandon after getting my revenge for so many years.”   
  
Eleanor hesitated for a moment, but knew she couldn’t leave the question in her mind left unspoken: “Are you--”   
  
“Of course I am!” Velvet grunted. Grinding her teeth together, she grabbed a hold of Eleanor, turning her around so she could see her without having to turn her head. “I was ready to leave this all behind! Leave this rotten world to exist without me! But now I… I…” Velvet gulped in hopes of holding back her bitter tears, but the slow stream was already flowing down her cheeks. Not even the Lord of Calamity could fight against her deepest, most true feelings and desires.   
  
“Velvet,” Eleanor lifted her hand to caress at Velvet’s cheek, pushing her black hair aside to wipe away the tears. “You’re not weak when you admit that you’re afraid. It only means that you’re human like the rest of us. No matter what stories history books will write about you, to all of us who have travelled with you and have seen who you truly are… to us, you’re not the monster the rest of the world has painted you to be.”   
  
It was, at times, much easier to believe the stories than come face to face with the facts. Velvet was, for all intents and purposes, taking the blame for everything. The rest of the world didn’t know the ugly truth of what would happen should Artorious succeed. He’d go down in history as the savior and she’d always be remembered as the embodiment of sin and all the evil there was in the world. It was something Velvet had come to terms with a long time ago. She’d take the blame, as her selfless act for the rest of the world.   
  
“You know you’re saying that to the Lord of Calamity?” Velvet let out a weak and forced chuckle. Pulling her hand away from Eleanor’s hold, she ripped the bandages into tiny shreds as her arm transformed into the giant claw of black and red. “You still think that I’m not a monster? Even after everything you’ve seen me do to get where I am now? Do you still think that there is something about me that makes me human?”   
  
Eleanor didn’t back away, even when the sharp claw was mere inches away from her. To prove that she wasn’t afraid, she stepped in even closer, so close that Velvet would now be able to feel her breath against her own skin. “You’ve been through more than most humans ever will in their lifetime, yet here you are, standing strong on your own two feet. I’m not going to lie and say that I approve of your methods or agree with everything you say, but I know that you’re not a monster. A monster is a being without it’s own thought or will, but you’ve proven to me that you’re far from a senseless being.” Eleanor smiled.   
  
This was the exact reason why Velvet hated to be who she was now. Life without any attachments was dull, but it was also painless. With one single goal in her life back then, she had done everything in her powers just to achieve her one goal in life. Now, she found herself enjoying life. The laughter, the wonderful, exotic and mysterious places this world had to offer, all of her companions, everything. It hadn’t been a long time ago when she had been ready to throw it all away, but now she wanted to have it all. She wanted to _live_ . Eleanor knew this to be true as well, as Velvet’s hold of her wasn’t only strong, but downright needy. She didn’t say anything, but it was clear that she wanted her to stay by her side. No words were needed to convey that.   
  
“This burden that you’re facing, you don’t have to carry it all alone, Velvet.” Eleanor whispered. Velvet was thankful that it was so quiet, because otherwise she probably wouldn’t have heard what Eleanor had just said.   
  
“Why are you like this? Why can’t you just hate me? I can take the blame… but I can’t take… this.” Velvet tried to look away from Eleanor, but the moment she tried to turn her head, the hand on her cheek guided her head to face the shorter girl once more.   
  
“Because you’ve taught me that it’s important to be honest about your own feelings and desires, even if the truth of the matter hurts. I can’t shield my eyes from what I’ve seen and the same goes for my heart, too,” Eleanor said, placing her hand on her chest for a moment and closing her eyes. “This is who I am. I’m not just pure for the sake of Laphicet, but to be true to myself. I can’t help myself. This is who I am, just like you are who you are, Velvet. Yes, it’s true that you are quick to lose your temper and you are, at times, scary, but please, stop for a minute to think and look at what you’ve accomplished. Everyone here believes in you and your cause, even if the rest of the world will deem us as the villains. We’re all here with you and by your side because we want to, by our own free wills.”   
  
“I was already ready to throw my life away, but then all of you had to give it meaning. The Lord of Calamity… I wonder if the world would call me that if they saw me now, like this?” Velvet grinned as she realized that her tears hadn’t stopped flowing. Despite that, Eleanor kept on caressing her cheeks and cleaning them so the cold air wouldn’t get to them before her.   
  
“Since when has the opinions of others mattered to you?” Eleanor asked with a bright smile on her face. Velvet couldn’t help but to laugh at such an open and honest display of purity. This world was, in so many ways, a dark and unforgiving place, but the little lights it provided that kept someone from being fully swallowed into the darkness were enough to keep the hope of a better tomorrow alive.   
  
“Eleanor… I just want you to know that whatever happens tomorrow, I’m grateful that I met you.”   
  
“Velvet, why are you--” Eleanor wanted to ask what she meant by that. Velvet made it sound like tomorrow would be the end of it all, rather than a start of a new future. However, she didn’t get a chance to ask anything, as her lips were suddenly occupied by another pair.   
  
Their kiss was just as sweet as Eleanor had secretly hoped it to be; full of longing and unspoken desires that they both knew to be true.   
  
Velvet knew what she had to do to give the rest of the world another chance. She wanted to be selfish. She wanted to experience the joys and sadnesses of life, but could there ever be a normal life for the likes of her? In that sweet, tender moment, Velvet imagined what that life would be like. A life living together with Eleanor and Laphicet. It was a beautiful dream that made Velvet pull in the shorter girl even closer to her, all the while keeping her lips locked with hers. The moment she’d let go, she knew she wouldn’t get to experience this ever again, so Velvet did everything in her power to keep Eleanor close to her.   
  
“Thank you,” Velvet whispered after their kiss eventually slowly came to an end.   
  
“For what?” Eleanor hesitated to ask.   
  
“For proving that even monsters are capable of loving.”   
  
Velvet knew it was a mistake, but she didn’t stop Eleanor when she reached out for her in order to get another kiss out of her. And another. And another, until they were against the cold stone wall of the inn. All of this would only end up in further pain and tears, but this was something not only Eleanor, but also Velvet herself, needed.   
  
The ever curious witch was looking at the public display of affection from afar, while writing something into her notebook.   
  
“Even I can’t change how history will remember you, but I’m glad you don’t care about such things. No matter what you say to yourself, you’re still a human. Go and be free, be wild… because this will be the last day you’ll get such luxury.” Magilou murmured, shaking her head as she watched the daemon and the exorcist making their way into the inn. “But you just had to go and add a broken heart into this tragedy, didn’t you, Velvet?”

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me at tumblr http://lordofspiritsandbazongas.tumblr.com/ If you have ideas, suggestions, feedback, comment, anything like that, feel free to contact me.


End file.
